Unmet Expectations

 Thanksgiving came and went and still no little Ethan. Craig and I had a lot of fun spending time with family and friends and eating way too much, but I would definitely be lying if I didn't admit that I was really saddened and disappointed when Ethan didn't come over the Thanksgiving holiday while most of our family and friends were in town. I never realized how many expectations I had about Ethan's birth until Friday, then Saturday, and the Sunday rolled around with no delivery. In my mind, I just knew and planned that he would come when all our friends and family were in town and that it would be convenient and easy for everyone involved.....haha  silly me. Unmet expectations hurt.

I couldn't stop crying Friday night as I realized he might not come when I expected, but I did anything and everything to distract myself from doing the one thing I knew I needed to do the most - spend time with God. Of course hiding from God never really works for very long, at least when you know time with Him is all you really need. So Saturday morning I found myself sitting in Ethan's nursery begging the Lord for encouragement and revelation as to why he hadn't come yet. 

  Oh how faithful God is to speak to his children.  As I sat in the chair that I will soon hold precious Ethan in, the Holy Spirit led me to Deut 4:31 which says, "For the Lord  your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath." After chewing on this verse, I was reminded of all the sweet victories and promises God has given me through this pregnancy adventure.  I was reminded of his tender mercy and goodness. I hadn't realized it but a lot of my struggle was wrestling with believing in God's goodness because I just felt like it was cruel not to allow his birth to happen while everyone was here. As I was processing through this, I heard the Lord say, "Erin, you can't fully comprehend my goodness from your perspective....trust me." At that moment I realized, I had spent so much time focusing on my plan for Ethan's birth that I lost sight of God's immense love and care for EVERYONE involved, not just me. It was a good moment, and my spirit felt truly encouraged to trust in God's perfect timing. 

On Sunday, the Lord blessed both Craig and I with more encouragement and understanding. At church, during one of the worship songs I really felt God giving me a renewing peace about the timing of Ethan's birth. After church, I was telling Craig about it and he asked if it was during the song "You''ll Come?" I just looked at him amazed because that was the exact song that spoke to me. He said that during the same part of the song he felt the Lord encourage him in the exact way I experienced about the timing of Ethan's birth. What a sweet blessing! We are both convinced that even in these last few days leading up to his birth that God still has huge things He wants to teach us in this season and we want to open to receiving them. Here is the link for the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RmZFaruXhs&feature=related. You should listen to it! It is awesome.

I guess unmet expectations aren't such a terrible thing, as long as we bring our frustration and lack of understanding to the throne of God to receive grace and mercy when we need it. God is good and I am so thankful to be walking into the labor process with these experiences of His truth and goodness.

  I love you all! Thanks for your prayers. I know they have been used in mighty ways to usher Craig and I into the arms of our sweet Father. Ethan is coming, and we are so excited for him to be here.