One Monthish Update

Corey,

At one month:

• you are smiling and it is just precious
• you gained 3 lbs since birth. you weigh around 11 lbs, the Dr. was impressed with your weight gain!
• you have grown an inch since birth
• you are constantly admired, poked, and sometimes "hit" by your brother (we are working on that)
• you have several wet and poopy diapers a day
• you are eating very well! around 4-5 oz a feeding every 3 hours
• you are not liking dairy very much, so mommy cut it out of her diet (i must really love you, because i really enjoy cheese)
• you are starting to show your personality which seems to be pretty laid back and happy
• you are sleeping well for your naps and occasionally a few stents of 5 hours at night
• you enjoy tummy time already even though it makes mommy a tad nervous
• you aren't too crazy about bath time
• you like daddy flying you around like an airplane already, just like your brother did
• you went on your first out of state trip to Dallas so your daddy could go with Boppa and Uncle Doc to see the Cardinals in the World Series, while you sadly had to go shopping with me, Mel Mel, and Aunt Bebba at Ikea
• you also went to Branson with mommy, daddy, and Ethan to do some Christmas shopping
• you have affectionately become "Coco Bean"

We love you Corey!

Corey Bennett Conner's Birth Story

On September 19th, we welcomed our second son Corey Bennett Conner to the world! He was 7lbs, 15 oz and 20. 5 inches long and very healthy! (My goal was to write down his birth story before he turned a month old, phew I'm barely missing the deadline)

Corey's due date on September 10th came and went like Ethan's did. I was prepared for Corey to come late, but not nine days late, especially since I started having my first false alarm on August 28th at a wedding Craig was in, and I had been having contractions regularly for weeks!

His Story

The Thursday before he was born I went in for my weekly doctor's appointment, and she told me that even though everything (amniotic fluid, placenta, baby's heart rate, etc) looked good, she recommended that we go ahead and come back Monday for an appointment and then she would induce labor. I had mixed emotions about this plan because I really wanted labor to start naturally, but I was also very ready to meet Corey! I left the appointment hopeful and excited knowing the end was in sight but also discouraged that he might not come on his own as I would prefer! I was already four centimeters dilated, so I just prayed and prayed that weekend that labor would start because I knew if it did then I should dilate fairly quickly.

Boy was I wrong! Friday, Satuday, Sunday rolled around with lots of regular contractions, but not the real deal. So Monday we went in to the doctor's office with our bags packed excited to meet our new bundle but nervous about the induction process. Our doctor threw us a little curveball when she told us that his heart rate was good and everything else was good enough for me to wait another week if I wanted. We were not prepared for that! Now we had a decision to make, when we thought we didn't before. Craig and I both decided that we were already mentally prepared for him to come so waiting another week would feel like an eternity!

I checked into my room about 11 am on September 19th and they broke my water! Even though I was being induced, I still wanted to give birth naturally with no medicine. That was my goal...but I was also open minded enough to know it might not be possible, and that was ok too. I was a little bit scared of how hard my contractions would be with Pitocin, so my amazing nurse Kim had the idea of trying to induce labor by pumping. Kim was a midwife for several years and also helped with lots of natural labors, so she was beyond helpful and encouraging the entire time!

I started pumping 10 minutes every hour. This actually started consistent contractions and I progressed to a six this way by about 5pm. Dr. Holland liked the progress but she wanted me to start out on a low level of pitocin to see if it would progress me further. I was a little anxious about this, but they started me out on a 1, so it was a very low dose. Contractions continued to progress and get more intense but they were manageable. I progressed to an 8 by 7pm, so everything looked on course to happen quickly. The doctor and nurses kept saying, "He will be here soon." (words that i think should be banished from all doctors and nurses mouths in labor and delivery):)

By 8, I had progressed to a 9 and I was in a lot of pain. My contractions were right on top of each other, and they kept intensifying. At this point, our other amazing nurse Kayla took over and she was super encouraging and helpful as well. Her and Craig were there with me through every contraction, rubbing my back and helping me breathe! I kept thinking "He will be here soon. I can do this." Then at 9, they checked me and told me I was still at a 9. I was very discouraged and in a lot of pain.

Our nurse told us that she could tell his head was turned, so he probably wasn't applying enough pressure to cause full dilation and kept me at a 9. At this point, we tried several different things to help me fully dilate....nothing worked. My doctor recommended I either increase my pitocin or get an epidural to see if either would push me to a 10. I was exhausted and discouraged but open to the idea of an epidural if it would relax me enough to cause me to dilate to a 10. At this point, poor Craig was exhausted as well. He had been so supportive and such a champ but I could tell her couldn't handle seeing me in pain anymore.

I decided to get the epidural, but when he came in to give it to me my contractions were so strong that I couldn't stay still enough for him. In the midst of him administering the test dose, I felt the urge to push and I told the nurses that it was go time. They checked me and sure enough, I was ready to push. Turns out the test dose was just enough to relax me to cause full dilation, so I didn't have to have the epidural.

I started pushing and 15 minutes later, precious Corey was born! I literally could not have been more excited because it had been a long day. I was just so happy to have a healthy baby boy in my arms!

Life with two has been way more natural than expected! Hard for sure but I feel very blessed, and I just love both of my boys!

More pics to come, hopefully sooner than later!

Choosing Life

" Today, I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live! Choose to love the Lord your God and to obey him, for he is life. Then you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." Deut. 30:19-20

Oh how this verse spoke so directly to me today at mommy group! We had the privelege of listening to a licensed Christian counselor share from her experience working with young moms this week, and the word God had given her spoke so specifically to me. She spoke about the importance of our choices, more specifically choosing life or death in daily decisions as moms and wives.

She compared ways that we choose between life and death in our daily grind.

Choosing Life: investing in God's calling on your life, knowing God's Word, taking godly council, and keeping priorities right with God first.

Choosing Death: unforgiveness, negative thinking, worrying, unrealistic expectations, and getting too busy

I know after looking at that list that I struggle a lot with unrealistic expectations and getting too busy!

She also hit on some key beliefs that she has noticed most young moms and wives struggle with that keep them from living in the abundant life God has for them and keeps them from choosing life. She went on to explain the power our beliefs have in our life and why they can keep us from choosing life. Among her many points, the one that struck me deeply was that when we decided to BELIEVE in Jesus, it changed eternity. Just our belief. Wow. I have continued to meditate on this since leaving. How quickly I can forget that what is so deep in my heart affects every aspect of my life: thinking, actions, parenting, sacrificing for my husband, the kind of friend I am, etc.

Over the past few years, God has continued to reveal to me the power in my thought life and beliefs, and today when she said that it was like God was saying, "Erin, your beliefs are holding you back. Your beliefs are keeping you from choosing life in certain situations. Your beliefs are keeping you from experiencing all the abundance I have for you. Choose life. Choose to bring your beliefs to me and let me speak truth into them."

Here are the Beliefs She Mentioned and then the Truths that we need to ask God to place deep within us as He roots out the lies.

Lies:

I have to be perfect.

I must have everyone's love and approval.

I must have everything go my way to be happy.

Life should be easy.

I need_____ to be happy.

I have to do it ALL!

Truths:

Home is my greatest mission field.

My children are a gift. My specific children are perfect for me, strengths and weaknesses.

My husband is an opportunity to love and serve sacrificially.

God has given me everything for and joy in this life.

We are most like Jesus when we serve.

So many of these hit home for me. I want my home to be full of life and abundance. I realized today that starts with me. I have often heard that the mom sets the tone for the home, and after having experienced only a brief 20 months as a mom thus far, I couldn't agree more. Sadly, I have been taking this for granted. I have been looking to my husband to fulfill my needs instead of the Lord and become bitter and frustrated when he doesn't. I have been treating parts of my role as a mom and wife as a duty/burden instead of a privilege, like fixing dinner, doing the laundry, cleaning the house, etc.

I walked away challenged and inspired. My mission is to make my home full of life and abundance. I pray that this scripture and her words would be an encouragement to all of you young moms out there that are trying to "do it all," to do the same, CHOOSE LIFE. May you find peace and rest as you bring the negative beliefs/lies to the loving grace of the Father and exchange it for his truth and peace instead.

Ethan's First Day of PreSchool

Ethan set off for his first day of preschool today! We have been talking about it for the past few weeks so he could slowly prepare for the transition, and we even bought a cute little cars lunch box that he thinks is pretty cool! When we got there, we played on the playground for a bit before I dropped him off in his classroom, and of course we had to play basketball. I think this made him excited and he felt a little more at home. (Again, my child LOVES basketball).

When we did head in, I walked him around the classroom like we did at orientation and then handed him over to his teacher. He clung to me for a minute and cried a bit, but was fine after I left. Of course I hung around a bit and kept peeking in the window to check on him all the while careful that he didn't see me. He was just walking around with his blankie(his comfort) exploring all the new toys!

I was surprised I didn't cry. Even though this is something Craig and I decided would be good for me and Ethan to give me some time just with baby, it was still hard to drop my little man off for a full day outside of my care. I'm realizing that even though I want to him to gain some independence from mom and dad slowly, it is hard to relinquish control and trust in the Lord's protection over him when we aren't there. I prayed the whole time we walked to his school and the whole way home.

My prayer for you little E-Bear is that you would enjoy your time with friends and that the messages written on your heart would be ones that are loving and glorifying to God. I pray for protection over your mind, body, and spirit and that your room would be full of the fragrance of Christ and that at your young age you would be quickly drawn into the loving presence of Christ. I pray against any attempt of the enemy to rob you or destroy your time their today and I renounce any lies that could potentially be written on your heart. Thank you Lord for sweet teachers that want to be a godly influence on our children. May you give them the strength, patience, and love to care for our little ones! Amen

Off to do some housework, workout, and read! It will be kind of nice to have a day or two of him at school before baby comes and get some "me" time!

False Alarm

Ethan and the little boy who tried to steal his girl
The "girl"
Ethan "backing" it up....no idea where he learned some of his moves!
My little dancing machine

This past weekend we were at one of Craig's childhood friends weddings in Fayetteville, and on the drive home I kept having consistent contractions! We had a good time dancing with Ethan because he was cutting it up on the dance floor, but I think I might have been getting my groove on a little too much with him because the second we got in the car, I started to have contractions. I didn't say anything to Craig until Alma because I didn't want to freak him out or accept that we might have to book it back to Conway or have the baby on the side of that road. agh! :) So many thoughts were running through my head. The contractions stayed consistent and actually got stronger, but they were still only 30-45 seconds long and everything I have ever read or discussed with my doctor made me remember that 60 second contractions are the ones that are really doing the "work." This gave me some comfort but not enough. I kept wondering if they would continue to increase in length.

I was a bit overwhelmed. Ethan was in the back seat asleep, all grandparents were out of town, hospital bag wasn't packed, exercises had not been practiced like hoped, and I was exhausted. I started crying of course because well I am just a cryer. I slowly started to accept that I might just not have it all together when baby came. We started calling parents and family just to give them a heads up that it might be go time, Beka and Clint were good to watch Ethan, and we did have our bags from the weekend, so I was slowly coming around to the fact that "I could do this," if labor was on its way. We decided to go home and put Ethan in his bed and explain we might be going to the hospital and get a few things together and also test out to see if my contractions continued....

Praise Jesus they stopped within minutes of us getting out of the car! Phew! I was so relieved. We decided to go to bed and get some rest in case the contractions returned and it was the real deal. They didn't return and I got a good nights sleep and PACKED my hospital bag the next day!

Lesson learned.....no crazy dancing or trips hours away when you are two weeks from being due!

Getting Ready for Two!

How is it that time just flies by?! Only two weeks until Corey's due date, and I'm actually breathing somewhat a sigh of relief because for the first time in the past month I feel like I would be " ready" if he came. How quickly I forgot how much goes into getting ready for a new baby! My overly detailed tendencies can't help the situation, but nonetheless I am glad to feel at ease and "ready." All the clothes are washed, nursery put together, double stroller bought(still in box:), and odds & ends in place. Phew....

No dilation as of yet. He's just in there enjoying himself, and I trust that he will come in the perfect timing. We shall see if he will fall in suit with his brother and come a week late. I'm definitely more mentally prepared for that this time around and I guess somewhat expect him to be late rather than early, even though they say the second typically comes early.

While we are waiting on him to come, I am savoring the last few days of just Ethan and I at home together. The age old addage, "They grow up so quickly," is so true. I remember when we first brought Ethan home and he was so fragile and tiny and now he is full force boy ready for any adventure all the while expressing his independence with "no's" and pouts and hands on hips moments. He definitely has a way of testing me but I just love him to pieces beyond what I could have ever imagined. We have so much fun playing together. The key to his heart right now is BASKETBALL! He is absolutely in love with it, so walking to a neighborhood basketball goal, playing at home, or going to the fitness center to play has become a consistent part of our routine. I know once Corey gets here I won't be able to be as "on the go" with two, so Im really trying to be as intentional with Ethan as possible right now and show him how much he means to me.

He actually starts "school" two days a week at First United Methodist Church in Conway next week, and while I know it will be great for him and me once Corey gets here, I am still a little sad. We had orientation this past week, and I started tearing up thinking about him going to school for the first day. If I'm this emotional over 2 days, I can't imagine what kindergarten will be like. :) I am really excited for him to spread his wings a bit, and I think he will really enjoy it. His class is comprised of just 9 kids with two teachers, so I think he will get close to his classmates by the end of the year. He will have art time, play time, outside time, eat lunch, and nap time there! I like that he will have something that is "his," especially with Corey coming along. I think we all need things that refresh us and we can call our own. He starts this Tuesday, so please be praying for me not to start crying and make him cry. :) I just know its going to happen despite my hardest efforts, but I guess he's just going to have to get used to it because I make most things into a big deal. hahaha

I've decided to post a few pics of our summer together!

key west

key west was simply wonderful! it was our first vacation as our little family, and we had so much fun. vacationing with a toddler proved to be very different than vacationing as a couple, but we adjusted and really enjoyed our family time! (maybe one day we will be able to part with Ethan longer than a weekend)

key west might be one of my new favorite places. it is so quaint and charming, the people are overly friendly, and the life style is super laid back. it was truly way cuter and fun than i expected, and surprisingly kid friendly!

i came back feeling refreshed and renewed. yay for that!

we stayed at the cutest place in the Historic part of Key West and it was wonderful because we could walk pretty much any where! I would recommend the Colony Poolside to anybody interested in going to Key West. it had so much charm, a pool, privacy, a great location, and best of all....was affordable!

I wanted to document our week of fun, so if we go back, we can remember the places we loved!

Day 1 Father's Day

Walked to Harpoon Harry's for breakfast in the Historic District

Ventured on the Key West Conch Train Tour of the Island

Key West Aquarium-Ethan and Craig got to feed the sharks as part of a Father's Day tribute

Ate at Raw Shell Oyster Bar and walked around the Historic District

Day 2 -Not our best day

Drove up to Big Key to see the Key Deer Refuge and stopped at Mangrove Mama's along the way. The food was delicious......Lobster Reuben, need i say more. :) Delicious!

The refuge was a bit disappointing considering the drive but we made the most of it and Ethan enjoyed seeing the deer!

Ate at Two Friends Patio off Duval Street. The food was okay and Ethan was tired because we decided to let him miss his afternoon nap. BIG MISTAKE. It was one of those times where I was just praying we got home before he had a huge meltdown.

Day 3-Beach Day

We parked ourselves at Higgs Beach for the day and had a wonderful time. We rented an umbrella and chairs, so we had a great set up. Ethan loved the "wa-wa." We dug in the sand, waded out in the water, and ate a restaurant on the beach called Salute! Great day.

Ate at El Siboney cuban restaurant and had the best "chicken enchilado".....oh my it was yummy and cheap too!

Day 4- Golf Day

We headed to Camille's for lunch then off to play golf! My dad bought Craig a great golf package at the Key West Golf Club for his birthday, so we all ventured out to the course. Ethan loves any chance he gets to hit a "ball ball", so we took his plastic club along. Sure enough he went into full gear the second we got to the first tee. It is so cute to watch him imitate Craig. It was a hot day, so I stayed in the golf cart most of the time repeating to myself "Be a supportive wife" because I could have thought of a million other things I would rather be doing haha. :) All in all we had a good time. Craig didn't play that well because I think we kind of stressed him out somewhat but he said he wanted family time and didn't want to play by himself, so that's what he got I guess. :)

Ate at Wendy's on the way back to our place then ventured to Better than Sex dessert restaurant! It truly had the best dessert I have ever tasted.

Day 5- Beach Day

We went back to Camille's for breakfast because it was so yummy then we headed to Fort Zachary Taylor State Park, which is the "best/most beautiful" in key west. it didn't let us down. We just enjoyed another day in the sun playing in the sand and cooling off in the water.

Day 6- Drove back to Miami to head home

Day 7- 6 am flight out of Miami!

As of late

Life seems to be whizzing by.

I can't believe I am only 3 months away from my due date. We are about 99% sure we will be naming our little man Corey(will let you know for sure when we decide). He is kicking lots, and I find myself realizing more and more that I will actually be having another baby, which brings up a lot of excitement but also a lot of fear, so Im starting to process through all of that. I feel as though I am getting quite large....probably because I am eating one to many ice cream sandwiches, but I just can't resist! I'll blame it on the heat. :)

Ethan is officially 18 months today, and I feel more and more like he is a little man rather than a baby. He keeps me on my toes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. His laughter, energy, and zeal for life really challenge me to keep life's difficulties in perspective. He is saying lots of words now... among his faves "Oliver(our cat)", "Bye-Bye", "Ju-Ju(juice)", "Choo-Choo(train)", and "airpane(airplane)". He also started to mimick us a lot more, so we are learning to watch our words more carefully....always a good thing. :)

Craig will be done with his first year of teaching Pre-Cal/Algebra at NLR High, and I could not be more proud of him. He absolutely loves his job, and we are very thankful that he has a job where he feels very purposed. I must admit I am kind of giddy about him being around more this summer! Ethan won't know what to do with himself with daddy around more during the day....pretty sure he will be Craig's shadow this summer because he is definitely a daddy's boy.

We head to Key West for our own little Conner family vacay in a few weeks! Woo hoo. We have plans to be lazy, eat a lot of seafood, and just have fun as a family. No real agenda. Not too excited about lounging around with my big belly in a swimsuit, but I will get over it!

Craig's brother Clint, his wife Beka, and their little baby Rowin will be moving back to Conway from Memphis in a few weeks. We are beyond thrilled that they will be closer because we adore them and love that Ethan's cousin will be closer. Ethan takes such an interest in RoRo. I know he will be the best cousin to him!

We are in the last phases of finishing our house in Vilonia that we are flipping with our friends the Darnells. We've had several kinks in the road. The latest being tornado damage from the April tornado. Our damage was minimal compared to others, so we were thankful for that. We are in the process of hearing back from the insurance agency and then we can move forward on repairs and HOPEFULLY, put it on the market by July or August! We never in a million years thought the house would take this long, but it has really grown our friendship with the Darnells and we have seen God's provision throughout the process in neat ways. I am definitely ready to be done with it though.

Well, enough for now! Sorry...no pics. Much Love!

Night Light Moment

So Im not the best about documenting cute stories about Ethan, but he did the cutest thing last night in his "big boy bed" that I just had to jot down! We set up his mattresses on the floor a few nights ago and set up his bed but still left the crib in the room in case it was a disaster! Luckily, it went really well. Only a few minor falls onto his pillows and by the last two nights, he's mastered it. (Naps are another story for some odd reason). He loves reading on his bed and having all his snuggle mates up there, Pooh Bear, Bear Bear, and Brinkley our dog! So fun.

Well, last night I was going to check on him as I always do. I had gone in his room at midnight and he was doing well. I heard him rustle around at 4ish, so I went to his room and peaked in, and he had turned his lantern on beside his bed. It was such a precious moment! He didn't fuss or anything. I guess he just woke up and it was too dark, so he turned it on like a big boy. I know most of you are probably reading this and cracking up that I am making such a big deal out of it, but I just thought it was the cutest thing and I had to write it down! I took a pic of it on his nightstand this morning!

So proud of my little man! He typically takes to new experiences pretty quickly, which I must admit is a blessing, but also kind of hard on momma because it seems like he is growing up too quickly. It seems like just yesterday I was moving him from the bassinet to his crib. And now he's moving from his crib to a big boy bed. Many more moments like this to come! :)

BOYS all around!

We are excited to announce that we have a precious little BOY on the way! He is healthy and we are so thrilled that Ethan will have a little buddy. A lot of people have asked me how I feel about having another boy, and I can say in all honesty that I am PUMPED! I think one day I would like to have a girl, God willing, but I am beyond blessed to think about having two boys! I truly have such a heart for raising our boys to know God's truths and show them that they aren't defined by WHAT they do but WHO God made them to be and the purposes He has for them and the gifts He has uniquely placed in them. I think the Lord has placed this on my heart, as I have seen the way our culture encourages men to let go of their true purposes and God given talents all for the sake of status, money, and societal "norms." I truly cannot wait to see the plans that God has for this new baby and for Ethan! I get giddy thinking about it!

I thought I would devote this blog to Ethan's quirks and favorite things! It cracks me up at how such a young age he already has a full personality and so many opinions about his world....i love watching him interact with others and his surroundings!

He Loves:

-Cuddling! This is one of my favorites. He cuddles with Craig and I all the time and he loves giving kisses. I know this won't always be the case, so I am soaking it up! He really does have such a loving nature.

-Balls, balls, balls-He is pure little boy and carries a ball around with him everywhere we go or if he sees a ball in a store or a kid playing with it, he becomes obsessed with figuring out how he can get to it.

-Playing outside, rain or shine. I have to drag the child inside when it is raining because he doesn't understand why it is too cold or wet to play.

-Giggling. A good book, veggie tales, hide and seek, mommy and daddy tickling him or chasing him around prove to be good ways to get him to giggle.

-Tickling others feet. His Mel Mel taught him how to do this at a young age, so now when he sees toes, he goes straight for the tickle.

-Macaroni and Cheese, Chicken Nuggets, Pineapple, Peas, and Goldfish are some of his favorite foods.

- Cell phones! Sad but true. He is always grabbing for ours, so we finally gave him an old one of ours and he walks around with it having "conversations". Hilarious!

- His blankie. His blanket goes with us wherever we go because it is his comfort blankie. Luckily we have two, because it gets dragged, spilled on, and chewed on constantly. He looks like a little Linus.

-Flirting with older girls. I'm not so sure about this one, but it sure is cute. He manages to bat a flirty smile at most girls he sees.

-Sour candy like me!

-Obsessed with balloons and any sort of animal!

-Music- He will start pumping his arms and bending his legs to just about any type of music.

-Being Adventuresome- He enjoys hanging upside down or trying out any new little game we come up with. He is always up for a new adventure

Quirks and Mannerisms:

-Calls telephones, "Hellos". Anytime he hears one ring, he says hello!

-Wants to wear his snow boots ALL the time

-Says "Uh Oh" anytime one shoe comes off

-Saying, " Hello and Bye Bye" automatically to anyone we see at the store

-Puddles up "his" blankie in a neat little pile and then lays his head on it before he goes to sleep

-Blows kisses all the time, even when we are just driving down the road

-Pointing up at the sky and saying "airpane" anytime he hears a noise that resembles one

-Dipping anything and everything in ketchup

-Loves sips of my morning coffee

-Likes to "pet" people. He doesn't quite know how to respect personal space, so we tell him to be gentle and since we started out teaching him gentle with our cat and dog, he pets kids when we tell him to be gentle....very funny.

-Tries to charm his way out of time-out or being disciplined by coming up to me and giving me kisses

Gosh, I could go on and on! I just love learning my little boy. He is so very special and unique, and I can't wait to see the boy he grows into!

Another Conner on the Way!

I am 17 weeks preggers! Most of you reading this probably already know that I am pregnant, but I figured I should go ahead and make it blog official as well. The last few months have been full of ups and downs for me as we were not expecting this little bundle, but God has been so gracious and gentle with me, and I feel like slowly I am getting more and more excited about this little baby inside of me!

We find out on April 19th what the sex of the baby is! I am convinced it is a girl because this pregnancy has been so different from Ethan's, but Craig is convinced Conner men can't have girls. We shall see! Ethan obviously doesn't really understand that I am pregnant but he sure has fun with my belly button sticking out! He is obsessed with belly buttons right now. I am so excited to see him as a big brother because he is very thoughtful, playful, and observant at such a young age. We went to see Beka, Clint, and their new little baby Rowin a couple of weekends ago and Ethan just thought the world of baby RoRo. He was very gentle with him and tried to sneak him a potato chip..:). Very cute!

I truly can't believe I am old enough to be having another child. It seems very surreal in so many ways. I am excited for the new adventure though. Ethan has blessed our lives more than I could ever have imagined, so I am eager to see what God has in store for our family through this new little bundle!

December in Review

December came and went in such a blur!

We celebrated our little man's birthday on December 3rd, and we had a fun safari birthday to celebrate with friends and family! Everyone tells you that time flies when you have a child, and it truly does. I think back to the very first day I held him and all the precious moments our first year brought us..the first time he smiled, the first time he laughed, the first time he crawled, the first time he said "mama and dada", and the first time he started gaining the confidence to walk. How sweet our precious life is, and I am so thankful for my Ethan Bear. He has so much strength, handsomeness, joy, and determination at such a young age. I am excited to see the purposes God has for him, and I truly can't wait to experience the many blessings a new year with him will bring!

December brought my last day of work as well. It was hard to say good-bye to all the children, volunteers, their families, and my sweet co-worker and bud Hilka, but I truly believe quitting and being at home is where the Lord is calling me to be at this season in my life. One closed door opened another, and I started Simply Shabby Designs(home decor made from vintage windows, doors, and such) in an effort to channel my crafty side and find a way to make a little bit of extra money for the family once I started being at home full time with Ethan. It was scary for me to take a risk and put myself out there, but it has been so much fun and I have seen the Lord bless my faith in doing so. Ashley Holden graciously allowed me to sell my stuff in her downtown Conway store Anything and Everything Design. I ended up selling over 10 items in December and getting a few custom orders!! I was so blessed by the business I had in December, and I can only attribute it to the Lord's graciousness. I have been having a lot of fun channelling my crafty side! I started a facebook page as well, so you can see my stuff there or visit the Conway store!

What else...ahh yes! Christmas. We were so thankful to have 2 weeks together as a family with Craig off from school! We made the most of it for sure, and one of our favorite past times became taking Ethan to PlayWorld during happy hour when it was half price admission! Craig loves goofing around, going down the slide, and chasing him around in there...so cute! Christmas with a child is so much fun even though Ethan really didn't know what to make of it. I just loved watching him interact with family. He really enjoys making others laugh, so he was definitely hamming it up and soaking up all the attention he could get! He got some of the coolest 1 year old gifts I have ever seen...mini 4 wheeler, b-ball goal, tent and tunnel, and oodles more. He is a blessed little boy that is for sure. He has lots of family and friends that enjoy showering him with some loving!

Well, that is it for now! I just wanted to give an update and put in some pics!

Ethan's 1 year pics!

At his 1st Birthday party!

Christmas 2010

Simply Shabby Designs...some of my first designs

Writing from the Heart

I'm not even sure I have any readers out there, considering I haven't posted since April, but I was inspired to write this morning. I was drinking my morning cup of coffee and thinking and praying. I was thinking about insecurity. Insecurity is something I have struggled with most of my life, but I am so sick of it being my companion. I've been insecure for too long, and this morning I feel the tug to let go.

Insecurity has robbed me of so many things over the years. It has kept me from taking risks. It has made me focus so much on myself that I have lost sight of others and their needs around me. It has made me hunger and thirst for others constant affirmation. It has made me look at facebook to see how many people have commented on my photos. It has made me wonder if I have a get together at my house, would anyone come. It has caused me to be too sensitive to others needed criticism. It has led me to consistent emotional waywardness. And worst of all it has convinced me too many times that I am defined by my insecurities.

But this morning, I'm ready to be free of it. As I was in the craziness of my head, I felt the gentle whisper of God telling me "Erin, I define you. I have made you perfectly imperfect. Your weaknesses glorify me. Your gifts exhibit me. I have given you strength and dignity that nobody can take away unless you give it to them. Rest in me." Precious words to my spirit this morning.

I think the timing of all of this is so impeccable. You see, I put in my resignation at work effective December 31st this week. After a lot of thought and prayer, Craig and I felt like it was the right decision. I have worked as the Community Program Coordinator for Big Brothers Big Sisters since February. While I have loved working with the volunteers and families in the community, I have felt burnt out and stressed for quite a while. Over the past few months, my desire has been to spend more time with Ethan, tap into my crafty side, and start meeting with women at church more. All things that I feel like God is pushing me towards, yet the night after I resigned, I was gripped with fear and insecurity. Shocker. I don't know why it surprised me. I started having all these thoughts about others thinking I am a failure for quitting, what if we struggle financially, etc etc.

The reality of me quitting is that we are trusting God with our finances in a way we never have before. While it is exciting, it is also scary. In an effort to try an make some supplemental income, I have been working on some vintage art and someone has graciously told me I could sell it in their store in downtown Conway, but I have been so intimidated to take it up there or let others see for fear of rejection. Why? My insecurity. So, I'm at a crossroads. I can either keep living in this chaos or let go.

I want to be the wife and mother and friend that God created me to be, not the person that others want me to be. So in an effort to have some accountability, I 'm letting go of my insecurity this morning. My hope and prayer is that those of you out there that struggle with insecurity would not let it rob you of any more precious moments. Let's take a stand for our God given dignity and strength and press into the very grace and love of Jesus.

More Pics

We celebrated Ethan's 4 month bday and Easter by going to Wye Mountain last Saturday and taking pics in the daffodils! It was beautiful and so much fun. Enjoy the pics!

Where do I begin......

I cannot tell you the number of times that I have thought about sitting down and writing this blog. What once was a week after his birth, quickly turned into a month, and a month turned into 4! You know how it is after you keep pushing something aside time after time-it becomes more and more daunting, and eventually seems impossible! I even thought about deleting the blog because it felt too overwhelming to sit down and write a blog post! haha isnt that sad?! Alas though, I finally sat down today to document the past four months of our Conner family life!

Well, as of Saturday, Ethan turned 4 months old! Man time flies by! Ethan was born December 3rd, 2009. He weighed 7 lbs and 10 oz, and I had a fairly quick and easy labor. He is such a precious little boy and his presence in our lives has blessed us more than I ever could imagine! His smile makes my heart melt, and I have just adored watching him explore the world. He coos all the time now and smiles at every opportunity. He now weighs 15 lbs, 6 oz. He is a strong and happy little boy, and I truly can't even remember life without him.

I will say though that the adjustment has been beautiful and messy all the same time! I have learned so much about life, God, and myself the past 4 months. At first, being a mommy was hard for me. Not because I didn't love Ethan but because I didn't really know how to do life with him here. Everything changed when he arrived! The first month he was here, I felt like Craig and I operated around him rather than as a family with him. Being on a 3 hour schedule was hard for me when I was used to operating on a schedule for just Craig and myself. Life was all of a sudden very different, beautiful, crazy, fun, yet different.

The truth is I was in a routine before Ethan. Deeply entrenched in my set ways, unknowingly how set in all honesty. Then little Ethan walked into my life and God has just been teaching me so many wonderful things. Here are some of the things I've learned....

1. Focus on the Eternal- I've learned to stop running from task to task, and enjoy the moment where I'm at by focusing on what matters...Ethan and people in my life. Not having a clean house all the time can be killer, but I realize it is just for a season.

2. I can't have my cake and eat it too -Wow...so hard to accept. I used to have my house clean, laundry done, phone calls made, and blog written. Now, Im lucky if I make dinner at night and take a quick shower/bath before bed!

3. I'm not, nor ever will be a perfect mom, and that is ok!

On a less serious note.....

1. Live near grandparents

2. Change diaper as quickly as possible. Ethan likes to go pee pee on mommy and daddy! :)

3. Never leave home without a pacy, change of clothes, and bulb syringe for boogies!

I am enjoying being a mommy! It is an adventure and life is very different but so good. I wouldn't change a second of it! I truly feel blessed!

Much Love, Erin